We’ll do a lot to avoid one honest conversation — so why is that?
When people find out what I do for a living, the question comes fast. “Hey, can I ask you something? How would you handle this?”
Out comes the story. An employee who’s checked out. A team lead who won’t hold anyone accountable. A great worker with a negative attitude that is impacting the team.
My first question in response is typically: “Have you talked to the person?”
The most common responses are:
- “Well, I moved some of those responsibilities to someone else.”
- “I pulled the whole team together and talked through what they need to do.”
- “I’ve been thinking we probably write a policy around this.”
Every answer is an action, and not insignificant ones. They’ve reshuffled duties, called meetings, drafted policy. They’ve done a lot. They just haven’t talked to the person.
So why do we do it?
If I’m honest, it almost always comes down to one thing: conflict avoidance. (And believe me, I come from a long line of conflict avoiders.)
Each of those actions is a workaround to attempt to deal with the problem without the part that feels like conflict. We’re not avoiding the work. We’re avoiding the discomfort of sitting down with someone and telling them the truth. In agriculture, that’s even harder, because the person across from you is someone you’ve probably worked alongside for years.
So, we focus on changing the system like the policy, the responsibilities, or the org chart, instead of addressing the behavior. It feels like progress; it’s still avoidance.
Many times, the conversation is the only button that works
The only thing that changes a behavior is addressing it with the person. The intent is NOT confrontation. The intent is to be clear about the expectations. Here’s a simple framework you can use:
- Name the behavior. Be specific and factual. It’s not “a bad attitude”; it’s the rolling of the eyes or the complaints to coworkers. It’s not “being lazy”; it’s not completing the tasks accurately and timely.
- Name the impact. Share what it costs the team, the customer, the operation. Complaining to coworkers is taking time away from the work and bringing down morale on the team. Other employees don’t want to work with them anymore. The tasks not completed accurately is creating hours of rework and increase customer complaints.
- Talk about tomorrow. Be clear about the behavior you expect. Start this sentence with “I expect” or “going forward, I expect”.
No magic script. No perfect words. Just the willingness to be honest with someone who deserves to hear it from you, directly.
We get this wrong in both directions
One caution before you go: the conversation is the fix when the problem is the behavior or the person. We misjudge that both ways.
Sometimes we focus on the system when the problem is really the behavior. We reorganize, we hold the meeting, we draft the policy — when one honest conversation would have done it. (These are the ones that land on my doorstep most often.)
We often do the reverse: we focus on the behavior when the problem is really the system. We coach the person, write them up, line up a replacement when it’s really the system. The workflow is a mess, the roles overlap, the expectations were never defined for the role to begin with. Everyone would struggle in that chair.
There’s a simple test to tell them apart. Picture swapping this person out for your most capable employee. Would the problem disappear?
If yes, it’s a people issue. Go have the conversation.
If others would struggle in the same situation, it’s a system issue. Look at the factors surrounding the work, what aspects may be pulling an employee’s attention away from what you want them to do.
Most of the time, deep down, you already know which one you’re looking at.
The steps may be simple, it doesn’t mean they are easy. If “just talk to the person” were easy, none of us would work so hard to avoid it. This is exactly why we focus on developing leaders to coach.